Wednesday, August 15, 2007

13 things my Labs have eaten

As you might have noticed, I have Labs. Labs are, well, special, especially in terms of what they will find edible.

I was recently given my third copy of "Marley and Me". With all due respect to the author, I am pretty sure Marley was a snap to handle compared to some of my dogs. BTW, I don't need any more copies, thanks.

So, for your enjoyment, here's a list of the strangest or most expensive things that my Labradors have been deemed tasty, along with the dog's name and incident year. No dogs were ever harmed during these misadventures, but my sanity was threatened several times.

1) A novel that I was on the last chapter of. [Splash, 2007]

2) Two tubes of lipstick, remains smeared into carpet. [Splash, 2005]

3) One electronic door-lock key chain thingie for my Toyota, replacement cost, $200. [Splash, 2005] With photo goodness!

4) One rather large rock, of shape and size somewhat like a kiwi. The rock was unwisely placed in the dinner bowl at the advice of a veterinarian to slow down the alarmingly fast Lab-eating-process. Rock was simply added to the meal by the Lab. Don't worry, the entire meal came back up again promptly. On the carpet. [Chuck, 1989]

5) Uncountable pairs of jeans and shorts, all of which had held treats in the pockets, at least until the pocket and the treats were eaten. [all the dogs, every year, will I ever learn?]

6) One bright green highlighter, followed the next day by some amazing green-colored poop. [Holly, 1990]

7) The metal connector pipe that goes between the toilet and the wall, quickly followed by bathroom-flooding hilarity! [Chuck, 1986]

8) Technically not eaten, rather thrown into the toilet: a talking dog toy, which proceeded to malfunction for several days and drive me crazy figuring out where the *&$#? noise was coming from. [Splash, 2004]

9) One each of about 8 pairs of socks. Missing sock usually found following canine throwing-up sounds that strangely are only heard in the middle of the night. [Chuck, 1986-1988]

10) The cable television wiring along the north side of the house, which was unwisely placed within canine jumping-up reach. Cable pulled from inside to outside, and chewed into little bits of course. The cable box, on which the television had been resting, was yanked 3 feet through the air to the exterior wall. The television was miraculously undamaged despite its fall to the floor. [Jill, 1996]

11) Any electrical wiring, extension cords, appliance cords left exposed. (note to dog owners: always unplug everything. Even stuff that's on a shelf. Canines are clever, devious, and generally hungry.) [Jill, the Dog-Who-Was-Fond-Of-Wiring, 1996]

12) One telephone cord, chewed while I was on the phone, thereby ending the conversation and allowing me to return my full attention to the dogs. [Chuck, 1988]

13) A corner of a rather small Persian rug belonging to a family friend. About the size of a bath mat, the rug didn't look like much, but when we took it to a dealer for repairs, we found it was worth an astonishing amount. Equally astonishing was the repair bill, which was aboout $1200. [Chuck, the Dog-Who-Taught-Me-The-Value-Of-Crates, 1986]

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L^2 said...

Wow, I guess I should be thankful that (as far as I know) Stella has never eaten anything too major - at least nothing like the things on your list!
I'm sure the crate has helped immensely with saving my stuff, although she did go through a puppy-phase where she chewed on any part of that crate she could fit in her mouth any time she was in it.

Lori said...

A rock???? Really??? Dang....Happy TT. You better feed those dogs:)

Midas said...

LOL. That is pretty funny! Your lab sounds like my baby at some point of their lives.

pussreboots said...

13 reasons why I don't have a dog. Hapy TT.

Buck Naked Politics said...

#1 is horrifying. I feel for you. But your dogs are adorable.

Comedy + said...

Oh my, and you still have labs? Really, you still do? They sound awful expensive. Oh my. Have a great TT. :)

Gattina said...

All I can say your dogs have very good taste, lol !

Anonymous said...

My dogs haven't eaten anything too crazy. Yet!

Happy TT!

J. Lynne said...

Wow, I thought Pugs were bad. I feel so much better now.

Funny list. Poor dogs.

Happy TT!

Heather said...

Hysterical! And I thought my Basset Hound ate some unusual stuff, including but not limited to rocks, poop, baby bottle nipples and at least 20 pacifiers, crabapples, a bottle of prenatal vitamins, dear son's clothes and coffee (although I guess that's in the she-drank-what? category). Thanks for sharing!

erin said...

Well, it sounds like you don't actually have to feed them any food, since they find their own! :) Happy TT!

Jeremy said...

But we have yet begun.....

Natalie said...

Wow! I think I'm glad that I have a Chihuahua. He chews on some things, but has not actually eaten anything strange yet (that I know of).

Kathy said...

Fabulous post!! I don't have dogs myself but your post reminded me of a prior roommate's irish setter puppy who had terrible separation anxiety. Once in 1986, we thought we had her confined to the kitchen but she got out and ate the inside of the center cushion of my brand new couch that had just gotten delivered. I'm still not sure I'm over it.

Wylie Kinson said...

*silent prayer of thanks for my cats*

Well you can't say the dogs don't add excitement to your life! And number 6 was LOL funny. Scary, but funny.

Lady Penguin said...

My boys regularly eat stuff that is not meant for consumption. Cooper regularly "chews" on slate rocks. Oliver snagged a tube of lipstick out of a purse and was caught red-handed - er red-lipped.

Great list!

Johann The Dog said...

Holy Toledo! That's so Marley of them :) You are lucky that you didn't have trips to the emergency room. You didn't did you?

Gracie ate an entire bag of wheat buns, Mum made her throw up and you could see each bun individually, ewwwww!!!! Followed by a tube of doggie toothpaste and another loaf of bread. She likes her carbs :)

Woofs, Johann

modistler said...

My Hank ate one of my son's toys, a stretchy sticky ball with tentacles..that was pretty scary when it came out intact covered in you know what..almost looked alive. Now i confess Hank is a golden retriever. My black lab Nellie is perfect.